Mindfulness for Cultivating Self-Compassion 

Practicing self–compassion during difficult moments of our day can be an easy way to be mindful. But how can we practice self-compassion? And what does self-compassion really mean?

We all have days that go like this: nothing goes right- you didn’t sleep enough, the laundry is piling up and the kids are screaming. This happens to all of us, and it can happen regularly. It happened to me this morning from the time I got the kids up for school, until I dropped them off. It’s the reality that we, as parents or people that work with children, sometimes face. So how can we move forward in a positive way? How can we treat ourselves with self-compassion? 

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is being compassionate towards ourselves and giving ourselves the same kindness, understanding and care we would give a friend. Instead of judging and criticizing yourself, take a moment to step-back, to breathe and show yourself some kindness and understanding. We aren’t supposed to be perfect! 

Kristin Neff (2003) a researcher in the field of self-compassion identifies three main components of self-compassion:

1. Self-Kindness: Showing warmth and understanding toward oneself in times of pain or failure, rather than being self-critical.  Self-kindness towards one-self involves acknowledging that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.
2. Shared Human Experiences: We are all going through similar things.  Recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacies are a part of the shared human experience is a large part of showing yourself self-compassion. Instead of feeling isolated or believing that your problems are unique, those with self-compassion understand that others also face similar challenges.
3. Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves observing and experiencing emotions without judgment, allowing for a more objective and compassionate perspective on oneself. Practicing mindfulness is to observe your thoughts and feelings, making note of them rather than judging them which encourages self compassion. Mindfulness practices encourage an approach of openness, curiosity and acceptance. When practicing regular mindfulness, emotions become less threatening, and self-criticism decreases (Bluth and Blanton, 2014). By practicing mindfulness we can “let go” of trying of trying to make things different than they are, and accept what is. 

Learn more about Mindfulness HERE.

6 ways to Show Ourselves Some Self-Compassion:

So how can we be more self-compassionate to ourselves? These simple practices can help:

1. Take a moment to pause and recognize: You can say to yourself “this is hard right now”. If it helps, you can say this to yourself with both hands on your heart while taking a deep breath. This can help center yourself and connect you inwards. It can also help you take a moment to pause and remove yourself from the challenges outside you.

As a reminder, if you have kids, this may need to be a quick pause but it’s a good way to re-group and come back into the moment.

2. Remind yourself that we all go through similar situations and encounter difficulties. “I am not the only one who is feeling this or has moments like this.” Think of a friend, a fellow co-worker who may be going through the same things, and remind yourself that you’re not the only one who may be having trouble. 
3. Send yourself positive and compassionate thoughts, such as “I’m doing the best I can in this moment, and that’s enough.”
4. Give yourself a Break: Being self-compassionate, to me, can also mean to pause and take some time for yourself. Allow yourself a break to prepare a healthy snack, drink some water or go on a mindful walk to clear your mind. This will help you clear your head and give yourself a much needed pause (different word for pause here). 
5. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel less worthy than others. How many times have you gone on social media, or seen someone in public, and compared their life to yours? I know I have! I have to take a step back to remember that what we see of someone, whether online or in real-life, is just what we are seeing in a small snippet of time. We may see them at work, or taking a walk, or posting a part of their day. But this is not an accurate depiction of this person during their whole day. We don’t see them behind closed doors, or when the camera is off. Comparison can bring about ugly thoughts and feelings but when we can learn to show compassion and self-love to ourselves, we can learn to value the uniqueness that we bring to the world, and know that we are worthy. 
6. Practice Mindfulness and mindful self-compassion: Mindfulness can help you be more present in the “here and now” and help you accept situations as they are. A great practice is this Loving Kindness Meditation towards ourselves and others.

Try some of my one minute meditations for when you really need it. There is a great self-compassion meditation included that you can try.

I would love to know you practice self-compassion and if you tried these strategies. Reach out to me by leaving a comment below. I would LOVE to hear from you.

References

Bluth, K., Blanton, P.W. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Exploring Pathways to Adolescent Emotional Well-Being. J Child Fam Stud 23, 1298–1309 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9830-2

Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85–101.